This one goes up.

I’m publishing this to chastise myself. Whatever I write today is going on the blog, even if you hate it. I chant this to myself on the commute to work. Even if you hate it. It goes up on the site. Even when you hate it.

It’s not going to feel good. I place word after word waiting for the sentences to sound intelligent and thought out, maybe even researched. I use too many commas and hate myself immediately. Should I curse or leave it clean, digestible by everyone? Those commas again. My lifelong companions.

I love commas. They make me feel like you will get how this sounds out loud. Ever since I got my first journal I have worried that whoever reads what I write won’t understand where I am coming from and so won’t relate to it. I use a lot of commas and punctuation so that you know how I would say it. I over-explain and over-explain so that you can’t misunderstand. See, there’s a whole paragraph on commas. So that you’ll understand.

This should answer the glaringly obvious. Yes, I did think so highly of myself that I assumed people would be dying to read what I wrote. As if I’m that interesting.

Let me set you straight. I am that interesting.

I think everyone is. I truly think I would read anything anyone wanted to share with me about themselves if it was honest. It is stunning to listen or watch as someone gives an honest answer about their perspective and life experiences. That’s why I’m obsessed with talk shows, interviews, and podcasts. Some of those are scripted but that’s half the fun, trying to catch people in a truth.

Here’s my truth. I desperately want to write something brilliant. I want to write something real and new. I want to create characters and worlds. I want to have a group of people with an office where we come up with new ideas and write skits and bits. I want to write a web series. I want to write books and articles.

The other truth is that I don’t try nearly hard enough to succeed. I don’t need permission to do any of this. There is nothing holding me back but fear.

Today is not the day I write the great blog post that touches hearts and opens minds. I did not interview a world leader and I did not spend 3 hours crafting a character every 20 year old relates to.

Today is about stepping into fear and living in it for a while, getting used to it until it’s not so scary. Today I will post this on my blog and I will not go to bed wishing I had written something. I wrote something. Today I wrote something.